Every year, around this time, we are reminded of why we value working from home so very much.
Our previous spouses died five and a half weeks apart, in November 2014 and January 2015. We have never had an official explanation for either loss – John simply went to sleep and never woke up; Kay died shortly after a “routine” hospital procedure. John was a few days short of his 46th birthday; Kay turned 42 the day she died. We both had to endure the horror of not only seeing the ones we love dead, but of witnessing our children do the same (we are now a step-family but refer to them as “ours”). All our lives were an immediate nightmare. We looked to our family, friends and colleagues for support – some friends certainly stepped up and took care of us without being asked; colleagues and employers were less helpful. Others actively preyed upon us in our time of perceived, at times actual, weakness.
We met in the Autumn of 2015 – no, we didn’t know each other before (thanks, various gossip sources!) and no, we did not suddenly acquire enormous wealth via widowhood (it’s nobody’s business but thanks again, same individuals).
One of many things we shared was a realisation we and our late spouses had given too much time to our work. Daniel was often in another country for long periods at short notice; John worked a six-day week during November and December to ensure a jolly Christmas for countless others – he was manager for an independent wine merchant (supposedly, Christmas “didn’t happen” for his company that year – such reliance on one person was clearly a significant error).
On meeting, we agreed our children, parents and family life were the most important things to nurture, certainly more important than any job. Daniel maintained a high level of commitment to his work and tried to create a better balance between that and family. Ultimately, this could only be achieved by complete independence and we set up Sheard Scientific in 2021.
Sadly, during the past ten years we, like many families, have suffered further bereavements, but none so shocking and all-consuming as the loss of John and Kay. As the tenth anniversaries approached we tried to think of doing something significant to mark the dates. Our son pointed out that we miss them daily, so it doesn’t make any difference if it is one year or twenty. We are certain there can be no better memorial than creating a working day that – usually – gives time to our wonderful children and, more recently, to our grandchild! However, we have made donations in their memory to a number of charities they would have supported.
We don’t live in a bubble and entirely appreciate that most people cannot dictate the terms of their working lives; many jobs simply do not lend themselves to this. However, where this can be facilitated it certainly should be – had any of us known our previous family lives would be cut so painfully short, we would all have demanded more reasonable conditions; less reliance on our goodwill and loyalty.
We move into 2025 wishing our friends, family and clients a very Happy New Year. Thank you all for your support, now and over the past ten years.
